To post in Feb or not
Ok, so I thought I'd just skip a post this month to see if anyone would notice. But racing mind needed a space.
I stumbled on a webpage that sends you "inspirational" mothering "tips". This one is so obvious, yet I hadn't ever thought of it quite like this. Even with swapping horrid parent stories from our youth with Hubby.
Vow to always remember this is your childrens one and only childhood.
Since they will never have another, promise to make the one they do have the
best you possibly can by loving them with all you’ve got.
I love my children. But I can honestly say I don't always do my best. I fear screwing them up. I worry about it. They are spoiled, but do they know how much they really mean to me? I am guilty of not showing enough "love" and/or "good attention". How does this happen? I should be fully aware ALL the TIME what that feels like. I lived it. Yet, here I am doing the same thing. I know I feel differently about my oldest son compared to my "others". It's not a good thing. It is not his fault how our life was back then nor are the feelings of contempt I feel towards his father. OlderOne has a better life now, but he doesn't have the same closeness as when it was just the two of us. Is it the tween years that have driven this wedge in my heart/mind. Is it just me, taking something out on him that is in no way his fault.
11 years. That doesn't leave me a whole lot of time to undo my wrongs before it's too late.
I need counseling, just afraid they'll commit me.
See, shoulda skipped this month.
I stumbled on a webpage that sends you "inspirational" mothering "tips". This one is so obvious, yet I hadn't ever thought of it quite like this. Even with swapping horrid parent stories from our youth with Hubby.
Vow to always remember this is your childrens one and only childhood.
Since they will never have another, promise to make the one they do have the
best you possibly can by loving them with all you’ve got.
I love my children. But I can honestly say I don't always do my best. I fear screwing them up. I worry about it. They are spoiled, but do they know how much they really mean to me? I am guilty of not showing enough "love" and/or "good attention". How does this happen? I should be fully aware ALL the TIME what that feels like. I lived it. Yet, here I am doing the same thing. I know I feel differently about my oldest son compared to my "others". It's not a good thing. It is not his fault how our life was back then nor are the feelings of contempt I feel towards his father. OlderOne has a better life now, but he doesn't have the same closeness as when it was just the two of us. Is it the tween years that have driven this wedge in my heart/mind. Is it just me, taking something out on him that is in no way his fault.
11 years. That doesn't leave me a whole lot of time to undo my wrongs before it's too late.
I need counseling, just afraid they'll commit me.
See, shoulda skipped this month.
2 Comments:
At 8:41 AM,
Shannon said…
at least you're aware of your feelings. maybe talking to someone would help.
hang in there.
At 4:46 PM,
HoppyNuttiHammie said…
it's never too late to try and fix a wrong. yes, the tween and teen years are tough, especially given the situation, but the important thing, that superceeds any event, is that you DO love him and no matter what, he is your son. given the history, you're trying your best with him, i'm sure it's tough, but just think, out of a really crappy situation, you got a beautiful child who brings you new experiences and new challenges. you should spend more time celebrating this and less time worrying about being a bad mom :-) i'm sure when i'm a mom, i'll have issues, too, but as women, we need to focus on our children more and the world around us less :-)
does that sound totally hokie? i know it's not from a kindred mom, but i like to think that i'm wise for my 25 years ;-)
the nutter
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