Yet another new beginning
So over the years I have obviously let my poor lonely blog die. I shouldn't have, I could have been one of the cool kids by now, paid to ramble, sent products to review on my way to internet infamy.... Well I did and so I am still just me. This site hopefully long forgotten by my friends perhaps I can live honestly in blogland again.
Over the years my house has gotten messier, my wasteline has all but disappeared, my patience is absent and my tolerance is missing. My children have grown mouthier and more difficult to live with, excluding my oldest, who has gone away to college. Leading me into my last depressing thought, we are broker than broke. SO strapped I know logically I should shut off the cable and cut the internet cause it of course is technically a "luxury". Not really though, it is also the thing that keeps me from going completely off the deep end and running away or offing the family. (Kidding, mostly.)
I have spent lots of time wasted on reading the blogs of supermoms. 20 kids, spotless homes, homeschool, volunteer at their churches and give away their freetime and still have sex with their husbands. I call bullshit. I have 3 kids, a seriously trashed out home, can't wait for the school day to start so I am home alone. Do I clean during this time? Apparently not, I waste it on the internet, or reading a book. Lunching with friends who mostly think I have my shit together. Mostly going back to bed cause I don't want to deal with any of it. I love my husband and enjoy sex, I just don't want to do it. I can't explain why.
I went to the doctor cause I thought I was depressed, she gave me pills. They don't make me feel any better. I quit taking them. I shouldn't have I suppose, but it was yet another expense I could cut that wasn't the internet. There was a week or two at one point where I was on a super med, Wellbutrin. I was feeling great, could get off the couch, was cleaning the house! It was a cure! yeah, until the part where I have a severe talc allergy kicked in. My body swelled, my lips puffed out and turned purple, I got hives and had to go to the emergency room....ending my relationship with the med that helped me feel alive again. So i went back to the ones that didn't work and then I just quit them all together.
I have come back to my lovely little blog here, cause I need to figure this out. Maybe even help the one person who googles "what to do when my house, my body and my well being are trashed". I don't have the answer, just know that I too feel the same way. I keep reading how your home is a reflection of your mind. Absofrigginlutely. A complete cluttered damn mess.
It needs to be better, it has to get better. I bought some constuction grade garbage bags today and I want to fill them with the crap that is everywhere. Tell myself to let it go. The kids don't care about it, it probably doesn't fit them or me anymore anyway. It's broken, nobody uses it, let it go. God, that sounds so damn easy. One too many self help websites I suppose.
I WILL be back tomorrow, to hold myself accountable, and to hopefully dig my way back out of this mega frump slump.
Over the years my house has gotten messier, my wasteline has all but disappeared, my patience is absent and my tolerance is missing. My children have grown mouthier and more difficult to live with, excluding my oldest, who has gone away to college. Leading me into my last depressing thought, we are broker than broke. SO strapped I know logically I should shut off the cable and cut the internet cause it of course is technically a "luxury". Not really though, it is also the thing that keeps me from going completely off the deep end and running away or offing the family. (Kidding, mostly.)
I have spent lots of time wasted on reading the blogs of supermoms. 20 kids, spotless homes, homeschool, volunteer at their churches and give away their freetime and still have sex with their husbands. I call bullshit. I have 3 kids, a seriously trashed out home, can't wait for the school day to start so I am home alone. Do I clean during this time? Apparently not, I waste it on the internet, or reading a book. Lunching with friends who mostly think I have my shit together. Mostly going back to bed cause I don't want to deal with any of it. I love my husband and enjoy sex, I just don't want to do it. I can't explain why.
I went to the doctor cause I thought I was depressed, she gave me pills. They don't make me feel any better. I quit taking them. I shouldn't have I suppose, but it was yet another expense I could cut that wasn't the internet. There was a week or two at one point where I was on a super med, Wellbutrin. I was feeling great, could get off the couch, was cleaning the house! It was a cure! yeah, until the part where I have a severe talc allergy kicked in. My body swelled, my lips puffed out and turned purple, I got hives and had to go to the emergency room....ending my relationship with the med that helped me feel alive again. So i went back to the ones that didn't work and then I just quit them all together.
I have come back to my lovely little blog here, cause I need to figure this out. Maybe even help the one person who googles "what to do when my house, my body and my well being are trashed". I don't have the answer, just know that I too feel the same way. I keep reading how your home is a reflection of your mind. Absofrigginlutely. A complete cluttered damn mess.
It needs to be better, it has to get better. I bought some constuction grade garbage bags today and I want to fill them with the crap that is everywhere. Tell myself to let it go. The kids don't care about it, it probably doesn't fit them or me anymore anyway. It's broken, nobody uses it, let it go. God, that sounds so damn easy. One too many self help websites I suppose.
I WILL be back tomorrow, to hold myself accountable, and to hopefully dig my way back out of this mega frump slump.
